19.) Culture: Stop being a creeper, be genuine and be a gentleman. Ask her out.
So because i did what any great college student does, procrastinate, I’m running out of advertising related posts (though I could argue that this might be applicable to the industry in some way) for the night so I decided to have some fun and address a problem I constantly hear about.
It seems like nowadays most young men have this sadly mistaken view on the dating process and how that initial contact with the opposite sex should be. Cheesy pick-up lines, over dramatic compliments and awkward moments is what today’s dating world has in store for a young woman. Let’s change that up, shall we. Now, let me get this out of the way before I start getting into the meat of things. I don’t think I’m some relationship guru and I don’t think I can land any girl of my choice. I’m not going to tell you how to pick up on a girl because that just sounds douche-baggish. I’m going to remind you that you’re a man so you should act like one. Ok, here we go.
1.) Dress to impress:
A man’s wardrobe doesn’t have to be worth a million dollars or full of the latest and greatest brands that money can buy. Whatever your style is, stay true to it. Be you in everything you do. If that means you like rocking cut up jeans, white T’s, ballet shoes, a mullet and a mustache then go for it. All I ask is that you be prepared for what comes with that territory. But seriously, there’s a fine line. This job gets a lot harder once you cross it. Please note that there is a difference between style, whatever that means to you, and looking like a bum. Dirty is gross, and always will be. Avoid looking like you don’t care that a bus just hit you. Clean and presentable in any situation is the best guideline. The way a man dresses himself speaks volumes about his personality. Be sure you’re sending the right message.
2.) Initial Contact:
As I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts, eye contact and how you use it is extremely important in daily life. Approaching a woman is no exception. Rule #1: don’t be a creeper. In order for eye contact to be effective, it needs to be welcomed and appropriate. When eye contact is unwanted, it goes from gazing to staring, and being stared at makes people uncomfortable. Creeper! Good eye contact has been proven to excite physiological arousal. This happens not only when you’re directly looking into someone’s eyes, but also when you simply perceive that someone is staring at you. This arousal can be a good thing–if you and a lovely lady are looking into each other’s eyes, it can create a more intense connection. But when someone fixes his or her gaze on you in a creepy way, it can feel as if a predator is stalking you in the wild. If a woman meets your eyes, don’t be the first one to look away. Holding your gaze simply signals your confidence, which is attractive to women.
Interpreting her eye contact: When you look over at a woman, she will usually look away, whether she’s interested in you or not. But the way in which she looks away tells you a lot about whether she wants you to approach her or not:
If she looks down and then looks back at you less than 45 seconds later, she is almost definitely interested. This sign is so nearly fail-proof that you don’t need any smooth pick-up lines when you approach her—just offer your hand and introduce yourself.
If she looks away horizontally, she’s not sure if she’s interested in you or not yet. Smile and make eye contact again to see how she reacts.
If she averts her gaze by looking up, she’s not interested. Basically, she just rolled her eyes at you.
3.) The Conversation.
It’s hard enough to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, when you’re genuinely attracted to that stranger; it’s ten times harder. Get that out of your head right now. If you are any where near belligerent, this is not going to work at all.
Here is where we have all failed you ladies. So we’ve worked up the courage to approach you and something like “you’re so hot” or “what’s your name?” comes out of our mouths. The latter is easier to recover from, but either way, you deserve better. Timing is everything and the opportunity will present itself so be patient. When it’s right, meaning she’s not engaged in another conversation, dancing with someone else or walking to her car by herself (creeper), you approach. Something like a gentle tap on the arm to get her attention is enough. Introduce yourself and then proceed to start a natural conversation. Questions like: where they’re from, if they’re having fun and who they came with are completely fine. Be creative but genuine. At some point you need to make it obvious you’re not trying to be put in the friend zone. Politely interrupt the conversation with a compliment about her. Shit just got real. Encourage her to keep talking afterward. Maintaining eye contact always. If it’s going good, keep it going. If you sense some awkward silences and you cant avoid it, its time to go.
Plan:
You’re leaving but you would love to take her out. Is it cool if you get her number? Lose graciously and win humbly. Rejection is part of the game and it will happen so brace yourself.
“No”: “Have a great night and be safe.” You’ve lost nothing.
“ Yes”: “great I’ll text you tomorrow. Have a good night”, give her a hug and walk away. If it was yes, chances are the conversation went pretty well and you guys had some chemistry. Call the next day if you said you would. Wait a little if you didn’t specify.
This isn’t one night stand business. If that’s what you were looking for, I’m sorry. I know how hard it is to actually work up the courage to talk to someone who you find attractive or that you genuinely have an interest in. Remember, Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Always display confidence and know that you have nothing to lose if you get rejected.
Credits to artofmanliness.com for the staring and gazing data and inspiration behind the post.